A Word About Crosses. Or Rather, a Cartoon.

We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we can't.

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain.
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to answer your call.
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear.
Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, dawn's early light.
The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

Layout ADD

If you didn't follow me on Xanga, you probably don't know this, but I have just a touch of layout ADD.  I get bored with my current layout rather quickly, and change it at least as often as once per season.  In honor of Autumn starting tomorrow, I have a new Fall layout! Also, I have a pretty new font, but I don't think anyone else can see it. If you want to see it, go here and download and install that font to your computer. And while you're there, check out the rest of her handwriting fonts, I thought it was fun!

In other news, I really don't have much.  I have been pretty busy recently, between SJ and my sister's upcoming wedding.  SJ is still growing like a weed (she's up to 10 lbs, 3 oz per her last pedi appointment!) and we spent last week hanging out with one of my college roommates who came to town.  We had a pretty great week, and now are just running around trying to get everything done before the wedding.

Favorite Quotes

I have lots; here are just a few:

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
~Virginia Satir

"If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans."
~Van Zant, Help Somebody

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." ~Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

"The longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss."
~Josh Turner, The Longer the Waiting

"My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine." ~Yviane in Stardust

And now I have to go fold diaper laundry.  Goodnight blogger world +♥

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Lord, Thank you that You are totally in control of the decisions the nations' leaders are making presently.  I choose not to lean on my own understanding.  Bind the ugly spirit of fear from me, from my husband, and from our children, from our family and friends.  Draw us closer to You trough all of this, to hear You, to see You, to serve You better than ever before.  And, Lord, when it's all over, may we never revert to the place from which You moved us, grew us, and strengthened us.  Help us, at this difficult intersection, to choose to stay on the road You've marked out for us in Your perfect wisdom and love.  Use me, Lord, as You see best.  Don't allow me to be overcome by fear or paralyzed by helplessness or anger.  Empty me of me and fill me with You.  Not mine, but Your will be done.  In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Waddell, Marshéle Carter.  "Though My Heart Quakes."  Faith Deployed.  Ed. Jocelyn Green.  Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2009.  190-191.

SJ "Met" Daddy! +

Today M was finally able to video chat with me and SJ.  It was the first time I've gotten to see his face since he left in May!  It was also the first time he was able to see SJ in real-time and the first time she got to see him, even though she was mostly sleeping and I'm pretty sure her eyes can't focus that well yet.  Last week M got to tell her he loves her over the phone, but video chatting is better :)

The FRG is holding a half-way party tonight, which means that we are (hopefully) half-way through this deployment!  We're holding out hope that the HST will not be extended and will be home earlier rather than later.  It's been a long few months, but at the same time I can't believe how quickly they've flown by.

It's almost inconceivable to me that SJ will be one month old tomorrow.  It seems like she was just born yesterday, but then again I can't remember life before she was here.  It amazing how one day changes the rest of your life.  It's been a wonderful change and I wouldn't want it any other way!  I never knew I could love someone the way I love her.  Every day I marvel at how blessed we are, that God would use M and I to create such a perfect little girl.  Of course I know that she isn't really perfect, and I'm sure as she grows that will become more and more evident to us!  But I'm still amazed that we are so blessed that He used us in such a way.  Becoming a mommy has given me a whole new perspective into my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I know how I love SJ, and I also know that my love for her is far from perfect.  To know that He loves me with a perfect love absolutely blows my mind!  I cannot fathom the depth of His love.  I hope that He enables me to love more and more perfectly like He does as I grow stronger in my relationship with Him.

An SJ Update and a Random Thought

One week from today, my brand new baby will be one month old!  I can't believe how quickly this time is passing.  As babies tend to do, SJ is growing like a weed.  Yesterday I decided to try one of her one-size diapers, and it fit!  This is exciting, because the OS pocket diapers are much easier to use than the prefolds and covers I had been using, but it also means she's getting so big already!  She's already starting to outgrow some of her newborn sized clothes.  I went and cleaned up her dresser drawers last night and already have a small stack of outfits that are too small.

I've also figured out that I cannot eat broccoli in any amount.  Two weeks ago I had Chinese food for dinner.  My favorite is chicken with broccoli.  The next day, SJ was fussier than she's ever been.  She screamed and cried all day.  I thought maybe the broccoli was the culprit, since broccoli does tend to cause gas and upset tummies in little ones.  A few nights ago, we had a chicken casserole that had cream of broccoli soup as the binder in it.  How much broccoli is in a can of condensed soup??  I didn't think it could be much, and I only had a small scoop of the casserole, but SJ was again miserable the next day.  It could be coincidence, but she's generally such a happy baby that I think I'll just be avoiding the broccoli from now on.  Sad though, because broccoli is one of my favorites!

And I just wanted to write this somewhere, so here seemed like a good place.  It has absolutely nothing to do with SJ, but it's just been on my mind re: things we say to people who are grieving or otherwise struggling with life.  "Everything happens for a reason."  I've heard it many times and I've said it myself.  But really, does everything happen for a reason?  I believe in the sovereignty of God, and I believe that sometimes He does put struggles in our lives to strengthen us and bring us closer to Him.   That thought most likely wouldn't encourage faith in God in the heart of someone who doesn't already have any, though.  The Bible doesn't say that everything happens for a reason.  It does say that God works all things together for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28; emphasis mine).  That means that God can take a truly terrible situation and turn it into something positive, but it doesn't mean that God willed the terrible thing to happen.  He may have allowed it, and He will work it out for His glory and our good, but that doesn't mean that there was a reason it happened.  I guess when we say that everything happens for a reason, we mean something to the effect of "God will work it out," but if we're speaking to someone who has no faith in God, it's not even a true statement.

"I Ain't Got It All That Bad"

I'm currently reading this great little devotional book that my mom bought for me, called Faith Deployed.  Each reading begins with a Scripture passage and has some thoughts written by a one of fourteen military wives who contributed to the book and then ends with a few reflective questions and a short prayer.  I have been so encouraged by a lot of the readings, and several of them have spoken to issues that have been on my heart recently.  Every time I read one of those, I think about blogging about it, but usually never get around to it.  SJ is just ate and is napping now, so I think I'll have enough time to try to put some of those thoughts together!

So frequently, and I've noticed this especially among the young military community, we tend to get into arguments of "I have it worse than you do."  I think it stems from a pride issue, as if somehow we're better because our situation is harder?  I don't really understand the reasoning behind the thought process, but I know I am also guilty of falling into that kind of thinking.  It is completely unbiblical to think that way though!

In a reading entitled Comparing Trials, Jocelyn Green shares a story where she too found herself caught in that trap, and then writes:

     "I carried my 'I have it worse than you' attitude home with me that day.  I snuggled up to it to make myself feel more virtuous or worthy somehow.  But the tighter I held onto it, the less Christ was able to use me.  I used my own trials as something to be proud of.  What a ridiculous thing to boast about!
     "Proverbs 14:10 says, 'The heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy.'  When I read that verse, it seems to tell me that each person's burden causes him or her a pain that should not be dismissed just because someone else has it worse.  It is impossible and worthless to compare trials.  A truly humble person would have compassion and bear others' burdens no matter how they 'rank' next to my own.
     "In Galatians 6:2, Paul does not say, 'Bear one another's burdens only if you deem the burden of significant magnitude.  If it isn't a big deal to you, go ahead and let your sister in Christ figure it out on her own.  She'll get over it.'  We are to 'bear one another's burdens'--period.
     "...if anyone had the right to consider other people's complaints as petty, Jesus did.  Jesus knew he would die a horrific death on the cross to pay for the sins of those who put Him there--and yet He took time to comfort and heal thousands of people with lesser trials.  May we seek to model Jesus' humility and compassion in our own lives."

In 2 Corinthians 12:7, Paul wrote that God had given him a thorn in his flesh in order to keep him from boasting.  His trial was given to keep him humble, and yet so often we boast about our trials!

The fact that M was deployed for SJ's birth and will miss the first few months of her life sucks, there's no sugarcoating that.  It's hard and I get lonely and tired and I wish he could be here, but whining and complaining about his absence isn't going to do a swingin' thing to bring him home.  It will make me feel even worse though.  I appreciate the compliments that several of my fellow Navy wives have given me praising my strength, but I can't take credit for that strength.  It is tempting to boast both about how hard this situation is and about how strong I am for getting through it, but neither of those options glorify God and they certainly don't give credit where credit is due.  It is only through Christ that I am able to keep such a positive attitude.  I pray that I don't ever take the credit myself and always remember to point back to God in times like this.